Self Development
We Judge When We Think We Are Right

by Robert C Jameson
When we look out into the world and what we see makes us feel good, then all is fine. When what we see disturbs us, then we feel the person or the event is wrong. But who made these rules of right and wrong?
When we look out into the world we see people and events. If what we see makes us feel good, then all is fine. When what we see disturbs us, then we feel the person or the event is wrong. In order to see the wrongness, we have to separate our self from the event or the person. In order to see the wrongness, we have to be holding onto a position of rightness. It's when we hold onto our position of rightness that judgment occurs. We think, "If only they would do it the right way, then all would be perfect. They are wrong to do it that way. Didn't anyone teach them the right way of doing things?'

The rules of right and wrong we believe in come from our society, our religions, our caregivers, and from our own experiences in the world. The rules of right and wrong go from the ancient Ten Commandments to the "right" way of tying your shoelaces. The range is vast and the list of rules keeps growing as we go through time. You might say, "Some of those rules are important. We need rules to live together as humans." I suspect this might be true, however, the question in my mind is: Who decides what is right and what is wrong? What nation, what religion, what family, what person truly knows?

You might say, "Some rules are obvious - like - don't kill." Except we legalize war and we kill. You say, "Well that's an exception." Yes it is. The problem is there's always an exception.

One thing I do know is that I don't know. I can look at something and see how "wrong" it is. Then I can change my point of view, and I can see the reason or the logic of the situation, and I can see the "rightness." Then I can really change my point of view and I can see the situation from a totally different viewing point and I realize there are so many ways of seeing and doing things. When I do this process of expanding my point of view, I am able to move out of my position of "rightness." In the expanding process I am also able to see that we are truly all humans on a small planet trying to discover joy in our everyday life. When I am in this expanded place, I am no longer creating separation. I see the oneness of the human species and we are all just doing the best we can with what we have, with what we know. There are two statements that always wake me up. They are: "If they knew better, they would do better." And, "Forgive them, for they know not what they do."

So, the next time you find yourself in the process of judging, ask yourself: "Am I holding a position of rightness? Have I separated my self from the human condition?" Then just take a breath, expand, and allow the judgments you have placed against yourself, or others, to fall away as you move into acceptance and then choose back into your loving and joy. 
As a licensed marriage and family therapist, Robert C. Jameson focuses on helping clients understand and overcome issues, such as anger, hurt, depression, anxiety, love, relationships, boundaries and limiting beliefs, to name a few. During his years of private practice, Mr. Jameson found it useful to give many of his clients "homework" in the form of handouts to support their work while in session. The Keys to Joy-Filled Living was born from his handout of tried and true exercises and techniques.
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